So, where did you put that list? Did you have the courage to make the journey through your heart and take inventory? My hallways are like a complicated labyrinth holding old years of hurt and confusion. I don't need to understand my pain though, I just need to clear my heart and make the list. I focus on today:
~the hurt of raising teenagers who don't listen, arguing till exhaustion sets in
~the pain of adult children leaving a big empty room and nicely saying:
"Thanks for everything, I'll visit when I can."
~the daily tussle of relationships questioning where I end and you begin
Let's examine these in the light of ancient writings:
"Let us know ourselves, let us know our wound, for then we shall be able to apply the medicines. For he who does not know his own disease gives no care to his weakness."
John Chrysostom fourth century
My pain reveals my wounds and myself. I care deeply that people know, affirm and listen to me. No surprise here, with a childhood of abuse and trauma, but I must give care to this weakness of looking to others for value, validation and love.
When you get a terrible diagnosis you talk to an expert, research, meet with a friend who had the same disease and share survival tips; the same is true on an emotional level. Look at the multitude of recovery and addiction groups: people with similar stories sharing how to get through.
I'd like to suggest you take your list, crawl into your Father's lap and ask Him, "Why me, why this wound, what do You want me to do with this pain? I must sit continually in my Father's lap and listen for who I am independent of roles and relationships and allow Him to heal this deep wound of longing.
God whispers gently in my ear, "I am with you, I am mighty to save, I will quiet you with My love, I will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17) What do you hear as you sit in your Father's lap?
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