KNOW YOURSELF

So, where did you put that list? Did you have the courage to make the journey through your heart and take inventory? My hallways are like a complicated labyrinth holding old years of hurt and confusion. I don't need to understand my pain though, I just need to clear my heart and make the list. I focus on today:

~the hurt of raising teenagers who don't listen, arguing till exhaustion sets in
~the pain of adult children leaving a big empty room and nicely saying:
                        "Thanks for everything, I'll visit when I can."
~the daily tussle of relationships questioning where I end and you begin

Let's examine these in the light of ancient writings:

"Let us know ourselves, let us know our wound, for then we shall be able to apply the medicines. For he who does not know his own disease gives no care to his weakness."
                                   John Chrysostom fourth century

My pain reveals my wounds and myself. I care deeply that people know, affirm and listen to me. No surprise here, with a childhood of abuse and trauma, but I must give care to this weakness of looking to others for value, validation and love.

 When you get a terrible diagnosis you talk to an expert, research, meet with a friend who had the same disease and share survival tips; the same is true on an emotional level. Look at the multitude of recovery and addiction groups: people with similar stories sharing how to get through.

I'd like to suggest you take your list, crawl into your Father's lap and ask Him, "Why me, why this wound, what do You want me to do with this pain? I must sit continually in my Father's lap and listen for who I am independent of roles and relationships and allow Him to heal this deep wound of longing.

God whispers gently in my ear, "I am with you, I am mighty to save, I will quiet you with My love, I will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17) What do you hear as you sit in your Father's lap?

WHERE TO GO FOR MEDICINE

Where do you go when you are sick? Obviously the doctor, right? But what about when you are sick at heart, or sad or just not in balance emotionally, then what? When I am heart sick I go to three places for medicine: the Church, Sacred Scripture and Early Church Writings. This seems unusual, I know: a forty something wife and mother of  five reading fourth century writing for healing, but I always find medicine for my soul.

Some people head to their favorite book store and browse the self-help section. On a recent trip to Barnes and Noble I stumbled into the self-improvement section! Like a DIY project I am only 10 Days to Self-Esteem or I can have The Untethered Soul. All kinds of offerings tempt me: Soul Food, Keeping the Love You Find, Women Who Love Too Much, Life as Your Best Medicine, Power Healing, Embrace Release Heal. On and on the titles go and I am sure they are wonderful books, but  I'd be reading for years! If I am willing I can look to the spiritual surgery of the Church and her ancient writings.

"For this house is a spiritual surgery, that whatever wounds we may have received without, here we may heal, not  that we may gather fresh ones to take with us hence. Yet if we do not give heed to the Spirit speaking to us, we shall not only fail to clear ourselves of our former hurts, but shall get others in addition."
                               John Chrysostom Fourth Century

We are all hurt by life and our hearts bear the wounds we have received on our journey. Come with me to the places I find healing and perhaps you'll find medicine for your own soul. What former hurts might you need to clear from your soul? Imagine walking through the hallways of your heart looking into some old rooms and places of pain. Now, take inventory: make a list of these hurts and if you have faith, place this list in the hands of your Heavenly Father. If you don't have faith imagine the most loving person you know and ask them to hold this list for you for now. Don't be afraid (Psalm 34:18) but begin by asking God to clear your heart of these hurts.