FINAL EXAMS WITH GOD

 

                Our oldest son finished his first year of graduate school and at the end of next year he will be taking his “quals,” qualifying exams- oral and written- which show he is competent in the material necessary to go on in his studies. I have just finished my “quals,” two years of intensive testing by God, and I am sad to say, I failed them miserable. I was stripped of security in relationships, my children struggled to find their footing and I sank with them. I did not trust, or accept or believe anything good could come of this pain, but slowly, I realize, that though my exam paper says, “F” for the fighting and arguing and refusal to submit to God’s path of suffering, I see that I have not died, neither have my children or my marriage.

I wonder what tests you are taking and how you are getting on?

Medicine from Sacred Writing and Sacred Scripture:

“Know yourself, know your wounds.” St John Chrysostom  Resisting the Temptations of the Devil Homily II.5; NPNF 9:189

How can we do this? We can begin with a simple prayer tucked at the end of Psalm 139. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”