One part of me is mortified that I have
told the world I have failed my exams! I want to recant or explain, but I am
left with the truth and though I would like to tell you all the nice things
about me and what is easy to post on face book, I must be honest. I failed my
exams with God because I do not trust Him. Oh, on the surface it would all
appear to be neat and tidy and that my world is wrapped up in a pretty little
package with a beautiful bow- I have been married for 25 years (to the same
person) we have five beautiful children, I work hard, make bread and jam and
pick berries and enjoy life, but my inner world does not match up so much. Funny
how God’s tests have nothing to do with exterior things, but everything to do
with our hearts; mine is full of fear. I’m afraid my kids won’t be able to
stand on their own two feet- like I can give them mine! I’m afraid I haven’t
done all I could do- how many more batches of jam can one make? I’m
terrified that they won’t make the right decisions- as if God isn’t faithful when
they don’t. My fears about my children expose my heart. What I now know about
myself is that although I say God is a loving Father, I believe I can’t trust
Him with my children.
Where
is your inner life not matching up with what you present to the world?
Medicine from Sacred Scripture:
“You will know the truth and the truth will
set you free.” John 8:32
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