WHEN LIFE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE WE EXPECTED

Heavy sleet, snow and ice covered morning in New England today. Daffodils froze as the snow changed to freezing rain and then finally settled on a raw downpour. It was hard to wake, to venture out, to feel joy in the face of such surroundings. I wonder. Do our spirits feel the same at times?

We long for our sunny days, warmth, beaches drenched by bright blue skies.

 How do we respond when life doesn't look like we expected? I withdraw, I get a little bitter, maybe grumbling about the day, the weather, how it is fit, "for neither man nor beast." And yet here we are, called to live and love despite our circumstances, despite, even, the weather of our heart.

What door will open in what may be the dreary season? What light lies ahead if we trust and simply put one foot in front of the other as we maybe put on some rain boots as well!

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." 

Psalm 18:28

BREAKFAST WITH JESUS

In our family we celebrate birthdays with baked doughnuts; it begins hours before daylight with yeast, flour, fresh nutmeg, eggs, sugar, cinnamon, salt and a whole lot of love. There is something so precious about someone making you breakfast; my husband's specialty is omelettes, Jesus appears offering fish and bread.

"Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples didn't realize that it was Jesus. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, 'Come and have breakfast," 
John 21:4, 9, 12.

I am surprised when I contemplate this scripture that I am walking the beach, collecting seashells and little pure white rocks, but I do not stop and go when I hear my name. "Come, My child, I've made you breakfast. Stop striving and searching so hard, come and take a break. Fast from your ways and try My ways, I will show you what's next, there's no need to lean on your own understanding, find your own way, let me teach you My ways, for My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Let me refresh your soul; I'll feed you with the finest wheat, only come to Me and rest. I cannot resist the One my heart loves and so I turn my steps towards the One who knows my weary soul and offers to feed me.  I go to the fire and He holds me, whispering in my ear, "I love you, you, do not be afraid." Come, child, and have breakfast. I accept the gift of a love prepared for me.

Imagine the tenderness of God in stooping so low that He prepares a meal, a picnic at the beach. Sit with Him today and let His love and kindness nourish your soul.

Father, thank you that you sent Your Son to save and to serve, to give His life as a ransom, to wrap Himself in light and love and an apron. Give me eyes to see how You are here, near to me. 

Sacred Scripture:

"Jesus said to them, 'Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, 
and you will find rest for your souls. 
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." 
Matthew 11:28-30

A CROWN

Deeper and deeper into My brow

Go the thorns of the crown

They have woven for Me.

"Of what is it made?" you quietly ask Me.

Of all the deeds and misdeeds,

All the intentions not come to be,

Of all the unacknowledged sins and selfish pride that blinds the eye to see.

Love dies for these.

I have a chance now to weave thorns of unrepented sins and add them to Your crown, 

or to fall on my knees weeping for what I did not do for Thee.

I carefully reach for the crown on His head yet He gently chastises me, 

“No, My child, you cannot carry this for Me.”

My words in your heart and My love in your soul - these you carry to set others free.

Now go, into the crowds and bring them here to Me.

Stand with them bravely and gently as they gaze on this Tree.

Share the sorrow and pain of the Son of God broken for thee.

diane hallenbeck

Holy Week 2018

AN UNEXPECTED LENT

Perhaps the five NorEasters were an indication of what was happening in my soul~ I might have known that the outside would match the inside! I made a Lenten resolution to selflessly love and then the storms came. I loved and shoveled and loved and shoveled and did that again and again. Surgery recuperation prohibited help from my helpmate, so I persevered. Interesting what must be peeled away to serve another selflessly.

It takes courage to look inwardly and grasp the depths of one's self-seeking ways. Dying to self was like living a perpetual winter storm in my soul; winds of selfishness raged as I fought the desire to be right, to give my two cents, to get my own way, to be comfortable. Slowly all this was stripped away and I was left quiet and still. It reminded me of Isaiah, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and confidence is your strength," 30:15.

As the weeks ran, week on week, I stumbled and fell, caught in the storm of my soul, and yet, here, on the doorstep of Our Lord's Passion, I find love has entered in. All the whispers of the King of Kings, to know I am loved, to know He is with me, to know He will clothe me with garments of salvation, all these have melted my heart. Within me and without, He has quieted my fearful heart and given me peace. He loves without measure, without hesitation, without failing and without a doubt He carries me to Himself as I join Him on His journey of love. I am learning to walk in the light of His face.

How are you walking as we enter Holy Week?

Medicine from Sacred Writings:

"Paul gives us the Lord Himself for a garment;. the King Himself; for he that is clad with Him has absolutely all virtue. But in saying, "put on Christ" he bids us to be girt about (encircle as if with a belt) with Him on every side... for He would have our soul be a dwelling for Himself, and Himself to be laid round about us as a garment, that He may be unto us all things both from within and from without."

St. John Chrysostom  

Epistle to the Romans  Homily XXXIV

LENT'S TENANT

I forget in Lent that it isn't about me. It isn't about me trying harder, being more holy, eating less, not eating chocolate or drinking wine. Lent is a preparation for a feast. I get ready, I clean house, make my home ready for guests; it's like Thanksgiving. I know I'm having guests and so I go the extra mile to make my home spotless. How much more so my soul for the Guest and the feast to come.

Easter is the feast we are preparing for. Christ comes, lives among us, pitches His tent with His people and then suffers His Passion, but He rises from the dead. The church celebrates His life, death and Resurrection and we are invited to join in. Love woos us through Lent and grace carries us, it is like the waves crashing on the shore, the grace and love of God are unfailing. We need to remember to open our hearts and trust in Him.

The tenants in Matthew 21:13-41 were preparing for the owner to return, but they forgot. We forget that we are waiting for a Savior to return, that we discipline ourselves out of love for Him, out of longing for Him to come to us, return to us. Our hearts are preparing for God, that is what Lent is about. The life of the Son of God, restored from the dead, is celebrated at Easter, The Risen one comes and tells us He will make all things new, whispers to our hearts that we will be made new as well ~ this is the reason for Lent. I am like a tenant, waiting for God to come and claim me as His own. How am I waiting?

I want to be made new, in my attitudes and my actions, in my thoughts and in my words, not to be holier than thou, but to be made ready. I take my small faltering steps towards Easter, knowing I am weak and frail, and sinful and indulgent. I give all this to Him, I have little self-discipline, He whispers, "I know, Child." I lack the most basic of charity and kindness, and He stoops low, when I fall through my words, and picks me up again, brushes my dress smooth and says, "Let's try again."

Lent is a mirror, that I hold up to my soul and say, "What now? What can I do, small as I am, to make myself ready for so great a King?" Do I reflect His light, His glory, His love?

I could start by changing my clothes. The ones no one sees.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

And over all these virtues, put on love, 

which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts."

Colossians 3:12-15 

LENT'S SURPRISING ORIENTATION

Last weekend we slogged through the city streets of Chicago while visiting our son and celebrating his life. It was a joy to see him but a chore to move through the city! My feet were frozen. Of course I had boots on, but not the trudging kind, I had the pretty tall black ones that look gorgeous when walking on a clear, warm, dry day! Maybe this is a key to "how we do Lent." Do we recognize that Lent is hard work, like moving through a frozen tundra that was once a sidewalk, yet it is also a joyful walk with our Creator towards the Easter feast to come? Perhaps Lent is about realizing the path we may be on was never the one intended for God's beloved, that there are things in our life and path (like snow!) that should be removed to make traveling a bit less burdensome.

Ever feel that you didn't want to enter the Lenten journey? It seems sacrilegious to say and yet, we drag our feet plodding through the mountains of demands on our soul, like a weary traveler who signs up for one more trek through the desert of Lent.

When we realize that our feet are meant to walk in God's ways and not the world's, our Lenten journey makes more sense. We can be enamored by the world and constantly find ourselves pulled by it. Our whole lives swing outward, as if on a rusty, worn out hinge: relating to the world, in the world and for worldly gain, prestige and power. Our souls are meant to be lifted up so that we find a new way of seeing the path ahead. Are long we longing for something higher? Or Someone other?

"Lift up your heads, O you gates;

 be lifted up, you ancient doors,

 that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory? 

The Lord, strong and mighty; 

the Lord, mighty in battle. 

Lift up your heads, O you gates; 

lift them up, you ancient doors, 

that the King of glory may come in. 

Who is He, this King of glory?

 The Lord Almighty- 

He is the King of glory." 

Psalm 24:7-10 

Could the Lenten fast, giving and prayer be a way to purposefully lift up our souls and allow the King of glory to enter, to woo us from the world we live in and bring us to His Kingdom? Our habits and what we indulge often keeps our souls frozen in worldly ways, not allowing the "gates of our soul" to be lifted up. We aren't entering heaven's gates this moment, but we could live as though Heaven's King has touched our hearts now with the fire of His love.

May the warmth of God's love and the power of His grace free us to follow Him this Lenten season.

Medicine from Sacred Scriptures:

"Come, let us walk in the light of the Lord." 

Isaiah 2:5

JOY'S SURPRISING TIE

I grabbed a quick cuppa early yesterday morning with a dear friend; at times we don't see eye to eye so conversation was filled with deep respect, opposite points of view and yet, she won me over! I could have left with a difference of opinion, but it was my opportunity to look at my stance and shift, move, bend and bow to a bigger heart and a greater cause than my own. Her immense love for her family and others deeply touched my heart and changed my mind. How funny. It wasn't some big political debate, though it could have been, it was something far closer to home: how to love and live with those who differ from us. Ah, what love could teach us if we would sit at her feet.

 "Love is patient and kind, it is not self seeking," 1 Cor. 13:4

We know everyone needs love, from the tiniest babe who can't thrive without human touch, to the oldest among us who needs others to come alongside their loneliness and bring meaning to their days. Love for others fuels our journey as nothing else can. It makes us less selfish and self-centered and it builds up the world. And the call to love is not just for family and friends, for the victim and the disenfranchised, it is for our enemy as well. This is the tough stuff. How to love those who disagree with us, hurt us, and say all manner of evil things against us? 

"Love keeps no record of wrongs," 1 Cor. 13:5

Morning tea reminded me to see another point of view and let the joy of being together tether me to a love that "always protects, always trusts and always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails," 1 Cor. 13:7, 8. Love protects the integrity of another, trusts in the power of love, and hopes in One who never fails.  Knowing we are deeply loved unleashes a joy unspeakable. 

Take time in your Heavenly Father's presence to know His love and allow this love change how you see yourself and others. May this encounter touch your heart and bring you joy, and may this joy and love you find be reflected in a world that desperately needs it. It's a simple as a cup of tea, being present to God in prayer and listening to what He has to say. You might be surprised.

Will you let love ground you and joy rise in you?

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, 

that we should be called the children of God! 

And that is what we are."

1 John 3:1

LOVE LOOKS LIKE A MELTING PATH

We were frozen in time last week: wintertime, harsh, biting, bitter treacherous beautiful days. Ice wrapped round each branch of every shrub and tree. How could anything survive such a deep freeze? Paths and roads were like icicles in motion as black and grey ice made moving forward a monumental task. Sun and warmth finally arrived and we began to thaw.

How true this is for our lives at times. We find ourselves like a snapshot, frozen with the emotion of a certain time and unsure, unable, perhaps even unwilling to go forward, as if staying where our heart is frozen would be a better option than letting it defrost all around. Fear grips us and grabs hold of our hearts paralyzing us and we freeze simply because moving seems so dangerous- we don't know how to move or what step to take next.

In a world filled with conflict and hatred, and in families and relationships caught in tension and misunderstanding, do we just freeze? We stop, shut down, disengage and lose heart, when all the while what is needed is love and light to warm our own hearts and kindness to allow what's frozen in us to begin melting. 

Our souls are thirsting for living water, where we can soak up the love and grace we need to nourish and sustain us for the journey. Allowing the love of God to touch all that is hard, bitter, cold, and harsh within is essential if we want to find a path forward.

There is One who can touch what's hurting inside with the warmth of His love.

Medicine from Sacred Writings:

"To Thee I feel I must return; I knock; may Thy door be opened to me; 

teach me the way to Thee." 

St. Augustine 

Soliloquies Book 1.6

LOVE LOOKS LIKE A DRESS

I encountered a few women in the fitting rooms this afternoon helping their friend find a mother of the groom dress; I chuckled to myself because that was my errand as I entered the department store. They were laughing and joking, "No, not that one, it's too sheer; oh, that one is perfect- so flattering!" I could hear their running commentary as I tried on dress after dress for our son's wedding. Funny. We clothe ourselves in certain ways because we love those we are celebrating with.  As I kept shedding garments and trying on new ones, I realized the connection to our emotional and spiritual life. How I live and act, you could say "dress," in the world is a reflection of the "running commentary" in my mind and heart.

Here's some interesting fodder for that commentary of mind and heart:

"I delight greatly in the Lord, my soul rejoices in my God.

 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation

 and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, 

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest 

and as a bride adorns herself with jewels," 

Isaiah 61:10

How I see how God sees me helps me get dressed in the morning and gives me the grace to take on the challenge of dressing and acting as God asks:

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

 Bear with one another and forgive one another whatever grievances you may have 

against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

And over all these virtues put on love, 

which binds them all together in perfect unity," 

Colossians 3:12-14

That, my friends, is quite a wardrobe! 

Will we let the Lord who loves us inform what we wear in the world? He loves us with an everlasting love and wants us to dress as if we are loved, so we can love.

Medicine from Sacred Writings:

                                 "He that is beloved walks with great unrestraint 
                                         within the heart of Him who loves him." 

                                St John Chrysostom Homily XIII on 2 Corinthians

LOVE LOOKS LIKE SOUP

It seems strange, I know. I want love to look like a big fanfare and a huge project and a deep connection, but today love looks like chicken soup. Sure, you've guessed it, someone is sick in our house and so I do what I do, and it seems small and insignificant and trivial, but soup nourishes our bodies. I wonder, is it love that nourishes the soul?

I'm not good at love at all. I'm most likely a classic case for a counselor with a PhD; unresolved childhood issues, insecure at times, boundary issues, over-responsible and probably co-dependent with everyone including the dog, but I know how to make homemade Shaker chicken noodle soup. Sure, today, of all days when I am weary and worn I had thick long noodles instead of the regular Pennsylvania Dutch wide egg noodles; it wasn't perfect and that's how love is.

It is daily and a struggle.

I have clothes to wear when I cook... I put on an apron to keep me protected from the mess. I wonder. Could I clothe myself in compassion and kindness, humility and gentleness to protect myself from the mess of the world and the mess of my own humanity.

Chrysostom calls to me again, to look at my life as lived before my King, day in, day out, one batch of soup at a time, and see if each day finds me kind and gentle. Can we live in the love He has for us, clothed in His love as He clothed Himself in our humanity, so that we might bring His peace to the broken, the lost and those needing a bowl of soup?

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

"The King is everywhere present, and observes what is done...let us show forth in our life much gentleness, much purity, for we have a King who beholds all our actions continually. In order then that this light  may ever richly enlighten us, let us gladly accept these bright beams, for so shall we enjoy both the good things present and those to come, through the grace and kindness of our Lord Jesus Christ."

St. John Chrysostom

Homily VI on John 14.25