CHRISTMAS EVE PLANS?

Where are you going this Christmas Eve? We know where the shepherds were going so long ago as they left their fields in search of the Savior. How dark and cold was it that starry night? I imagine a crystal clear winter sky suddenly bursting with the brush of angel’s wings as shepherds fall to the ground in terror. How is it that glory invades our darkness within and opens us to the message of God?

Unlikely messengers I have been musing; John the Baptist I expect, with his camel hair garments and locust diet sprinkled with honey, but shepherds? They are not priests’ sons, they are not holy, they neither have esteem nor calling to fulfill their story. Yet God invades unlikely territory to  announce good news.

What have you seen and heard this Christmas? Has God come and shown Himself to you in the laughter of family and the love of friends? Has He told you His favor rests upon you and that He has a message for all people? It can be frightening when God tells us where we can find Him yet does not compel us to go. The shepherds chose to run to Bethlehem, to believe they would find a Savior there.

I wonder about us. Have we seen Him? Have we gone to Him when He has called? Have we heard that God’s favor rests on us?

In the midst of presents that will turn to dust in our hands if our hearts don’t hold love, can we become like a shepherd, one who comes to see God and shares with others all He has done?

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“When they had seen Him, they spread the news concerning what had been told to them about this Child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.” Luke 2:17

CHRISTMAS CALLING

My steps are heavy and slow as we make our way to the manger. I can tell you of all that impedes my way, but your list will be just as long with a different twist, Grief stops me on the way, as I mourn with loved ones who have lost those dear to them; hurry stops me, as ironic as that sounds, as I cannot find the way to God in the rush of the parties and planning and preparation our world demands. All the glad tidings keep me from the great joy.

How do we reconcile, “Peace on earth, good will towards men” when we have no idea what this means for us? Peace in our chaos and peace in our grief. Joy in our mourning and hope in despair. In a Babe in a manger the glory of God descends and the love of God, as He became man, illumines our way.

Hush, He is sleeping now, as He will in that storm-tossed boat with His disciples, but that is for another day. Today a Savior has been born who will show us the Father, bring us His love, give us peace and light our way. Can you spare a few minutes to ponder His Presence in this place? He comes meek and lowly, to bend to your need and ransom your heart.

Medicine from Sacred Scriptures:

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Luke 2:11, 12

CHRISTMAS SUPPLIES

The rush begins: wrapping, baking, shipping shopping, writing, sending, greeting, gathering. It all fills our days; we trade in the commerce of the world when underneath we feel that perhaps Christmas itself may exhaust us. How can this be? The very Christ who came to bring us Life, can find no room in our schedules, our hearts, or our minds. In the celebration of His coming we wear ourselves out; I have even overheard someone say, “Christmas is killing me.”

We go through the dark days of late Advent in a kind of stupor, cramming more and more into less and less of ourselves. We are swallowed by the whale of consumerism and indulgence and we wonder, “Why am I so exhausted?” I confess to being caught by the bait as well, as I shop for children, sew pajamas, deliver presents and make dozens of cookies as my soul loses her footing on shifting sand.

I can, “Be still and know He is God.” The lights this morning on the Christmas tree quiet me. I need only a few small minutes to center myself and find Peace again. He has come and in His coming I am known and loved, held and blessed. How can I carry this into the frantic day, the endless list?

It is as if there is a little child within who longs to be held this Christmas and shown her Father's heart. Christ has come to show us the Way to the Father and I can choose to sit in the Light of His Presence, let it rekindle in me hope and joy, peace and love and from this fountain I can live and move and have my being.

Need supplies for your soul as your Christmas celebrations continue?

Medicine from Sacred Writings:

“John tells us of the goods relating to the soul which Jesus supplies to us by His coming; and these he has darkly described in one sentence, when he says, “And the Life was the Light of men.”

John Chrysostom Fourth Century 

HOLY ASSENT

Heaven’s hush

Angel’s annunciation

Holy assent

Divine Incarnation

Light pierces

Glory descends

God dwells

among men

Emmanuel

diane hallenbeck

Medicine from Sacred Scriptures:

"The Virgin will be with child and will give birth to a Son and they will call him "Immanuel." which means, "God with us." Matthew 1:24

SKATING WITH GOD

"I see your coming and going. I know when you rise and when you do not. You came to this sacred space, this holy silence, but what I desire for you is a holy silence within, an assent to the incarnation. And will you let the dear Christ enter in? Your world waits and I want to bring My glory through you. There is no other who can do My bidding as you."

I prefer prayer where I am skating around the distant all-powerful God asking Him to do my bidding. It is unnerving when He begins the conversation. I sort of wish I had left my journal safely on the floor. Why must God speak that way?

“An assent to the incarnation”? Can it be that Luke’s gospel account of Zechariah’s encounter with the angel tells me more about the incarnation than I care to know. God longs to speak, first of all. He also wants to act in and through me, though I am often ignorant and stubborn, He will act just the same. If He must silence Zechariah what must He do to get my attention?


Send His Son, born of a Virgin, to save me from my sin. The Holy Spirit asks, “Will I let the dear Christ enter in?” Since I wrote yesterday the words have haunted me. There is so little ready in my soul, so much noise and clutter. “Good News of great joy that will be for all the people… there is born to us, in Bethlehem, a Savior. He is Christ the Lord.” Lord of me. This indeed is Good News.


Have you need of a Savior? A Lord to lead and guide you?


Medicine from Sacred Scriptures:

“I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.” Luke 1:19-20

A GIFT?

A precious friend I know received this gift; she said, “God has been telling me He has a gift for me for over a year and I have just now lifted the lid from the gorgeous box.” Her drawing comes from her time in prayer last week. The beautiful gifts spilling from the heart of God are unique to each of us. Each butterfly represents something for you~ joy, hope, peace, love. What is it you are in need of this day? He has come, Emmanuel, God with us.

As I thanked her for sharing the drawing she said, “When I see you I see the box.” I shy away from this perception, and yet, I wonder. When we draw close to God He draws close to us and gives this beautiful box filled with all His goodness. Then He asks me, “Can you let Me in and allow Me to fill you?” As I love in His love I hold joy and peace and grace for others. I become, in the smallest tiniest way, a sliver of the mystery of the incarnation. Christ in me, the hope of glory, (Colossians 1:27), spilling out onto other’s lives and sharing the gifts God has for them.

This is the gift. His very Self...His love for us, His joy, His peace. Come to Him and receive your gifts; come in your joy, come in your pain, come in your sorrow. Come in your loneliness and your laughter. He longs to give you Himself. He is your peace, your shield, your provider, your strong tower, your hope, your consolation. He is your comforter, your Savior. Draw close to the One who holds your life in His hands and accept all He offers this Advent season.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows.”  James 1:17

GUESTS?

Reaching for the knob of the back bedroom door I turned it slowly, opening the door, unexpectedly finding the boy’s room wrapped in cold. I had come to put the space in order, making the bed and sweeping things clean, and I found a picture of my interior life at Advent. In the rush of the season, the wrapping and baking, making and taking, I find my soul left in the cold as my self must attend the world’s gatherings.

A little piece of me would like to sit by the fire and be fed, have a guest (maybe two at most) and enjoy the peace and joy that Christ comes to bring. Instead I find one day runs into another; words remain unwritten and thoughts unspoken as life crowds out the warmth of the Light. Sickness comes, a loved one dies, an old grief holds us in despair, disappointment suffocates, deadlines press us and ends beg to be met with some kind of holiday cheer. We must serve up eggnog, enthusiasm and goodwill and yet the hearth of our hearts burns so small it refuses to fuel the pace we keep.

This December morning I sit in the radiance of the sunshine streaming into our sun room as the temperatures outside hover below zero. This, too, seems a picture of our deeper life; we can seek refuge and find inner joy, a holy fire that will dispel the dark and cold we find waiting in the world.

O Little Town of Bethlehem

“How silently, how silently

The wondrous gift is given!

So God imparts to human hearts

The blessings of His heaven.

No ear may hear His coming,

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive Him still

The dear Christ enters in.”

Anyone coming to you for Christmas? Have you made their room ready?

Medicine from Sacred Writing:

“He enters by the open door; He has promised to come in and He cannot deceive...Embrace Him, the One you have sought; turn to Him and be enlightened; hold Him fast.” 

~ St. Ambrose of Milan fourth century ~

SWIRLING

The morning sky this week has been ablaze with color; rich fuchsia on Tuesday and deep twinges of pink this morning, but I am not talking to the Creator and was a bit furious the heavens dared to be so gorgeous. How can the sun rise day after day, heedless to the world's loss and pain? Regardless of the hurt and heartache you are going through, the deep dark of night will fade and the morning come to light your way. The way... that is the hard part. How do we walk through Christmas with disappointment, discontentment and even devastation in our hearts while expectations swirl all around us like snowflakes on a winter morn.

I missed the Ladies Christmas Brunch yesterday; it just couldn't be done. I curled up in a chair with the “Better Homes and Gardens” December issue and cried into my tea. One of my dear friend's sons died over the weekend, twenty-seven years old. Too soon, too young, too tragic, too close to Christmas; I want to scream, “God, can't you see?”

Of course He sees. He counts my friend's tears, “Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll- are they not in your record?” Psalm 56:8 It isn't really “in” to talk about grief and pain and sorrow as we prepare for Christmas, but under the wrapping, shopping, running and baking some of our hearts are breaking.

Praying today I found myself yelling at God, “What do you expect me to do? How am I to carry on and “do” the holidays. God Gently whispered, "Just come to Me, child.” I imagined myself, very small, crawling onto God's lap, so to speak, and do you know what happened? I wept, sobbed, tears pouring down my face for all the losses those I love have suffered. I rose from me knees with the weight of grief just a little lighter and the knowledge that I am held, I am loved and that I do not need to carry on; He will carry me and those I love. 

Are you mourning? He comes to you as Emmanuel, God with us.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“Praise be to the Lord, to God, our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 68:19

CHRISTMAS CHAOS

Finding the Christmas ornaments proved to be insanely challenging this year. I must have been in some kind of crisis last year because as I entered the dark attic I found complete chaos- each of the holiday bins meant to hold decorations for Valentine’s Day, Halloween and Thanksgiving were nearly empty but the attic floor held piles of stuff for each season. What a mess. Wooden paddles and candle holders were missing from the German Christmas pyramids; I couldn't rest until I’d found all the pieces. The pyramids spin slowly moving the carved figurines as the light from the candles heats the air beneath the paddles.

What a  picture of my soul; the flame of Christ’s Presence can fill me and fuel everything I do. Everyone wants to bring light and love to others, but first we must find the source of Light and what holds the light. For me, the candle holders became a vivid reminder that my soul is the container that holds the Light of Christ.

Sorting through the whole attic on the first day of Advent, I finally found what I was looking for. How appropriate. I must look through my soul at the beginning of this season, if I would trim my life with all that Christ has for me, some old things must be sorted and sifted in the Light of His coming.

“O come, O come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel.” We are all captive to one thing or another: power, possessions, people, placating, pick your own vice and add it here. The call of Advent is to have an open ready heart for the King of Kings; He needs no stable, but we stand in need of His Presence in our lives and hearts.

May the Wonderful Counselor give the grace you need to clean house in your soul (and maybe your attic?)

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.” Isaiah 60:1

CHRISTMAS LOSS

A warm sun melting the thin ice on our pond makes me wonder what December looks like for you. Here we are warming and freezing alternately; one day is cold (14 degrees) yet today we step outside to a balmy 41 degrees. Our hearts might be the same; we engage with warmth, energy and openness or we find ourselves a wee bit frozen inside, unable to embrace the whole deal- life, loss, joy, sorrow.

Our community is grieving the loss of the beautiful teen I told you about on the first day of Advent; this family’s pain has become the underlying question for many here who knew and loved them, and even for those who didn’t, our hearts cry out, “How can they survive the loss of a child so young at this, the “most wonderful time of the year.”? As long as our hearts break with pain we know we are still alive, fully human, able to hurt and heal.

Our Christmas tree came waltzing into our house like a tall frozen pencil this past weekend. Hoping to trim it with one of the college boys, we were sadly disappointed as all  we did was watch the ice melt. Finally her big bushy branches relaxed after the weight of the cold was lifted from her. (We even tried a hair dryer, but she was cold from the inside out; you cannot rush the warming process).

I wonder if  our hearts need to be warmed by the Light of the World, the Wonderful Counselor, the Prince of Peace? Can we see how frozen places prevent us from living and loving as we could?

“Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners...Peace, peace to those far and near.says the Lord.” Isaiah 57:19, 20

December gifts:

1. my daughter’s comfort

2. muffins with lovely friends

3. lattes at Starbucks

~join me in jotting down all the ways you see a “wink from heaven” as you notice 

Emmanuel, God with us~

DECEMBER GIFTS... OPENING PRESENTS EARLY

Emmanuel, God with us. And how am I to know He is near, with me, in this holiday season? Each day in December I look for a wink from heaven, a little present of some kind to remind me that God is near; they come in the most unusual shapes and sizes. Today’s gift was my daughter reaching for my hand as I cried during church. I prayed with a friend for her friend whose 14 year old daughter is dying of cancer. I was overwhelmed with sadness for this little family as they possibly face their last Christmas with their child. I cannot wrap my heart around this pain, I can pray for a miracle (join me!) and I can ask for the God of all comfort to comfort them. And in my sadness God gave me my gift; my child bringing God’s comfort to me.

It may be tea with a friend, an unexpected phone call or visitor, it may be a conversation with a loved one or a Christmas card from a dear friend. Open your eyes and heart this Advent to see the loving touch of your Creator in every day that He gives you. I keep a list of my December Gifts as a reminder of God’s presence and faithfulness. Watch what happens as you begin to pay attention to His nearness; the hustle and bustle of the holidays slowly begins to fade as you see God send you reminders of His love and care for you. Try something new this Christmas.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“Comfort, comfort My people, says your God.” Isaiah 40:1

NOT HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Across the pond the sun is just beginning to peek over the tops of the pines; hot tea in my hands, I watch the wind blow through the branches. The house is quiet, the proverbial calm before the storm of roasting turkey and mashing potatoes, before the Macy’s day parade and a gathering of friends. This same sun will rise on those I love far away. I must hold in tension the longing to have everyone gathered, as my friends say, “all their chicks in the nest,” and the desire to have them live their own lives bringing light and love where they find themselves.

I’m thankful, of course, for the children still nestled in their beds here, but for those who are grown  I must make room in my heart for their journeys. These are the days, when only part of the family is gathered, that I feel a quiet ache at the center of my soul; I want to weep when someone asks, “Is everyone coming home for Thanksgiving?” My mind argues, ”How can they make the trip, living on the west coast and their lives beckoning them to stay?” And then my heart cries, “How dare they not come home to be with us, laughing, arguing, baking, playing, talking, bickering?”

I’m grateful for the gift of silence this morning, to quietly look into my heart and see how much sorrow there is that we are not all gathered at one table, but then to be able to give thanks for the lives that have been given to us to nurture and bless, sometimes from a distance. This sun that pours over my books and dining room table will rise on them as well and with this I will learn to be content.

Missing someone today?

Medicine from Sacred Writings:

“God gives great gifts, procuring abundant harmony and love, that each one standing in need of the other might be brought closer to his brother.”

                                                                               John Chrysostom Fourth Century

BLACK FRIDAY

Christmas shopping thirty two years ago in Fredonia’s  little department store I frantically searched for just the right gift and I found the mugs. Looking back now  it is blurred in grief.  My father loved coffee, so I chose a set of mugs for him;  they are vividly etched in my mind forever.

My Thanksgiving coming and going was uneventful. I left for Rochester to visit my college roommate. We headed to Disney on Ice, returning late to Debbie’s there was an eerie silence; there had been an accident, I needed to go home, everything would be fine, her parents would put me on the prayer line.

My dad had died. My world crumbled and his presents remained unopened. Staying up all night cleaning I hoped to find rhyme or reason or meaning; all these eluded me. The day before we all  enjoyed our Thanksgiving meal and afterwards watched The Waltons, the old movie where the Grandpa died when a tree fell on him. My father died in the same way. I have always wondered if God was trying to prepare me.

Grief has its own timeframe and just when we think we are fine a memory or a thought will bring all the sadness with its crushing loneliness back to us. I can’t prepare for Thanksgiving without wondering, “If I had known my dad would die the next day, would I have stayed home, given him his presents earlier, told him I loved him?”

Grieving?

Processing grief while walking into the holidays is like carrying an elephant into a room full of party goers- they’re  all going to a gathering  your soul cannot find the clothes for. Be very gentle with yourself. Hold the memories as a precious gift and slowly let go; release your loved one to embrace those who are with you now; they need you as much as you needed the one who has died.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“A Father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in HIs holy temple. God sets the solitary in families.” Psalm 68:5-6

PACKAGE PROBLEMS

I approached the TSA officer quite embarrassed, “I have a really unusual request.”

“No, unusual requests started a week ago lady; this is nothing,” he joked.

I sent wrapped Christmas presents home with my in-laws, but unfortunately I couldn't remember what was in one of the packages purchased in Maine over the summer. The security personnel seized the box of goodies but told my mother-in-law I could come retrieve it within an hour, so here I was at the airport again.

Wrapping presents earlier that morning I had been delighted with myself: here I was with presents bought and on their way to Colorado four weeks before Christmas. Pride goes before a fall. As I waited for the supervisor to bring the key to unlock the confiscated item all I could think was, “How could I be so ignorant?” By the time I retrieved the syrup many of the TSA workers had had a good laugh at my expense and maybe that is the point.

It will not be easy, this season of buying and mailing and delivering. Earlier in the week I saw an old weary man bent over an empty shopping cart shuffling across South Main Street. We all have handicaps coming into the holidays; it’s just that some disabilities are easier to see than others. What we carry, or do not carry, in our hearts hinders or helps us as we begin this time of giving and receiving.

If we are to live and give and survive we cannot afford an empty cart and we must know what is in the package. Wild blueberry jam, honey and maple syrup will not fly! I must give of myself what I can and know that He who made me is more than able to supply all that I need if I ask Him. Everything hidden will be revealed anyways! All that I intended to give was plainly made evident as the airport officials showed me.

I wonder what you’ll be giving this Christmas.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture

“Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.”  James 1:17 New Revised Standard Version

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

For the next five weeks we will look at what it means to go home for the holidays. So many have such deep pain around their memories of home and going home. I pray these reflections might bring healing.

I thought I knew where I was going, a quick trip to the airport to pick up family flying in- so simple, right? I arrived early and ran up the steps, two by two, eagerly scanning the arrivals; their flight was in. Gazing at the security line I noticed a soldier boarding and mentally thanked him for his service. Five minutes went by and I scrambled down to baggage claim, but couldn’t find them, so I ran up the stairs again to wait at the gate. No sign of them. After searching and waiting, reaching for the phone only to realize I didn’t have their numbers, I began to get frantic. How could I connect with them? I kept seeking them where they had always met me before.

So it is with family and home comings. We wait for someone in the place we have always met them, but they have changed and we can no longer find them there. We must negotiate arrivals and find ways to relate when our hearts are longing for more than a welcome. We want to be found; receiving acceptance and grace for who we have become, not who we were when we left.

After finding my in-laws we make our way home to dinner and a full table. Sharing the details of their journey they settle in for a visit. It will be brief and busy, but we have moments and memories to string together and draw our hearts just that much closer. We will go to the coast, Mom and I, to walk the Marginal Way and Dad will go antiquing; little gifts of time and grace to hold space for each other.

I wonder how far you are from home and others. Will you find home in these holidays?

Medicine from Sacred Writing:

“That son, when he returned to His Father’s house, came to his former honor and appeared more glorious than him who had ever been well-pleasing.”

John Chrysostom Fourth Century

JOIN ME

The stars still sing in the sky as morning begins, reminding me of the dawn our son set out for his adventures. All was darkness and unknown weeks ago heading to the airport, and now we find him taking leaps of faith and grasping life by the hand and truly living it- so amazing!

In the dark new things grow, old things pass away~ bulbs planted in this cold autumn ground will bear beautiful flowers next spring, but there will be waiting and longing, bitter cold winds and storms to face before the thaw.

I am letting go of this writing space and journeying to another... new beginnings are never easy. Join me as I write Apply The Medicine (www.applythemedicine.com)... bringing healing with old, true words: "Let us know ourselves. Let us know our wounds. For then we shall be able to apply the medicines. For he who does not know his disease, will give no care to his weaknesses." John Chrysostom Fourth Century

Watching the sun rise this morning, the tall dark pines silhouetted against the night sky, I marvel as the day brings a touch of glory. Faint glimmers of light begin, may the same be true of our hearts and lives and souls.

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

"I will give you treasures of darkness, riches hidden in secret places. So that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:3

PIES, PLAYING GAMES AND PRUNING

We had a big mulberry tree in our front yard growing up with messy purple fruit that stained our feet when we played under its leaves. After dinner we would go out there to a game of kickball with second base under the trunk of that tree. When dusk finally drove us into the house we'd have to scrub our feet raw; I'm not sure why, but we never thought to wear shoes. I mostly remember hiding. I'd crawl up and shelter myself under the big leafy branches and try to peer through to see the blue sky. I would go there when I was frightened, lonely, needed to think. I could see and hear most everything, but didn't have to respond.

How interesting now, that a lifetime has passed, I am asked to be a tree- the kind that shelters a family, welcomes home, protects and provides nurture and roots for those who fly away. 

We'll pick apples this coming weekend in a glorious orchard sitting above acres of crimson forests; it's the season to pick apples. It is my season to live the tension of letting go and welcoming, of growing and pruning. I must wake up and live in the life I have been given, my roots going deep into God's love, no more picking fruit from the childhood tree that hid me. I never did like mulberry pie. I have always created what I loved and this will mean apple pie, not a seedy purple pie, and peach jam not blackberry, salsa not canned tomatoes. I have choices that call me to my true self and to embracing what I love, who I love and how I am loved.

I wonder what you are creating and what fruit you are using?

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

 “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in due season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Psalm 1:3

FREE

Two tiny feathered birds sit on the chair next to mine; the sea breeze ruffles their feathers yet they seem unperturbed. Perching for a few moments longer, they gaze my way and then they're gone. I immediately recall Jesus' words telling me I am worth more than many sparrows. How can we know our worth intuitively when our journey is uncertain or our soul unclear? I look here or there, but value eludes me like some misplaced decimal point. There is much to treasure in my life and I am tempted to place my value there until I have set roots down where God would have wings.

The birds fly off darting between sun-drenched chairs and find rest near the edge of the sea shore. I sit still and wait for movement, wanting my soul to shift somehow, to be carefree and unencumbered. I feel fettered by an identity based on outward expectations, and the shackles are chaffing my little wings.

As I walk the coast my heart nearly breaks as I listen to a man berate his wife, “Comon', how can your heart -rate be up? We haven't even walked far. You gotta get up and move. This ain't helpin'!” Is she not worth more than many sparrows? Can I let go of others' expectations and embrace the words of the One who created me?

Could the woman resting on the bench have said, “Please, I'm tired, let me be; go on without me.” If I had had the courage I would have said, “Stop, now, can't you see she's tired?” I wonder if God sometimes looks at us as we are trembling and says, “Hush, child, I know you are afraid.”

I wonder if you are flying free?

Medicine from Sacred Scripture:

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31